Taking a break from our regularly scheduled programming to discuss the reality of being a grad school dropout at 25. Okay, that sounds really dramatic…. I guess its more so the realities of being a 25 year old human in the state of the world today, trying to find your place, chase your dreams, but still be able to survive in the meantime… my only question right now is: “Is it even possible?”
Twenty five is a number that many of us are familiar with, and an age that perhaps represents the first birthday where we begin to dread the tick of the clock. Throughout childhood, birthdays cannot come fast enough. They represent cupcakes, balloons, presents, and parties. Innocence. As we transition into our early adulthood, we begin to wish for birthdays for different reasons, although ultimately they are similar. We eagerly await turning sixteen in order to be able to drive a car, or perhaps if you are lucky, own your first car! Eighteen marks the beginning of adulthood, the ability to view R rated movies, and for many, the transition for high school to college (Aka moving out of the parents’ house!) We all know exactly what comes with turning 21… a night of legal partying followed by an excruciating hangover. The ages 22, 23, and 24 almost blur together, because you are simply scrambling and fumbling to find your way, lost somewhere between a fraternity party and your first cubicle, trying to sort out this new chapter in life. Around the time 25 comes, it all begins to hit you.
For the entirety of your life until this point, age has been defined by chapters in your life, from primary school, to junior high, to high school, to college, and then graduation. Until finally you are just a human living in the world. The moment you have waited for all your life where every option is open, suddenly doesn’t feel so open. It’s as if you spent so much time admiring how grand the world is, excited for the endless opportunities until, inevitably, you grow up and realize you truly underestimated how big the world actually is. Somehow, this realization of the vastness of the world and its ample opportunities, paths, and choices leave your paralyzed. For twenty-four years everything felt possible, but now, somehow nothing does.
You wake up, feeling lost and out of control, searching for the next small wave of satisfaction, excitement, or encouragement to keep you going for a little bit longer. Only to question every single decision you have made thus far as you lay your head on your pillow at night.
If it is true that our lives have a specific plan, whether you believe it to be set by God, the Universe, or some kind of fate-like tale, you begin to wonder if you are royally fucking it all up. Is this part of my “plan?” Am I on the right track? Will I be happy one day? These circulating questions continue to spiral until they shift into asking if there is even a plan at all? And if there isn’t a plan, is there a point to any of this? Why even bother? Why even try?
And then you remember. This is what you wanted! To reach the age in life where there are no more rules, no more guidelines, no more step by steps… just complete freedom. Freedom to be whoever you want to be. Freedom to live wherever you want to live. Freedom to love whoever you want to love.
But what if in all of that freedom, I somehow chose all of the wrong things?
The thing is, there is no such thing as choosing the wrong thing. You choose what feels right at a specific time. Things continue to change, people continue to change, and circumstances continue to change, resulting in the reality that something so right may no longer be right at all. It doesn’t make it a wrong choice, it just means you have reached a point where it is time to make a new one.
Life is a funny thing, when you realize every rose truly has a thorn. Every wish we make that comes true, typically brings some additional details that we had not pictured whilst doing the wishing. Hence, the innocent naivety of children wishing away the magic of childhood in exchange for adulthood and freedom. For a child, the magic lies in the future, but often for a young adult, magic remains a thing of the past.
Until one day, when we fully embrace the unknown mysteries of life, that will inevitably come at every age, with every season, sometimes bright and beautiful, and other times hollow and grey.
When I find myself spiraling into the unknown, wishing for the perfect plan to be laid out on paper in front of me with a step by step guide to reach happiness, I remind myself of how lucky we are to live in a world that still has mystery. How I would hate to wake up every day knowing exactly what my life will look like.
“What’s the point to all of this?” Wouldn’t be a question if life had no mystery. I think we are all on that journey. Whether we are 5, 15, 25, or 105… I think we are all trying to find out what the point is. I believe that the secret to living a happy and fulfilled life, is by choosing to find the magic in the mystery… in the unknown.
The greatest days of your life are yet to come, and unfortunately perhaps some of the worst days are as well. You never know when these days are coming, nor what days will fall in the in between, and the memories and experiences that will come with. However, it is the mystery of the unknown that can push us to live every day to the fullest, waking up with open minds and open hearts, ready to feel the magic of life, ready to experience true love, true loss, heartbreak, excitement, nervousness, shock, joy, nostalgia, longing…. simply to feel everything.
That is magic. That is life.
That is 25.